If there were three words that summed up the emotions of today, it would be overwhelmed, dependent and love.
Overwhelmed - Our visit with the Oncologist was very informative and helpful. We met with two doctors who were full of compassion, care and knowledge. I showed up with my list of questions and concerns and they answered each one. Granted, I didn't like some of the answers, but that's the reality of what we are facing. Most likely, Susie will face some level of radiation treatments in the next few weeks/months. Our doctor team (oncology, surgeon & ob's) will meet and come up with a plan. There isn't a standard treatment for pregnant people with astrocytoma's. They will let us know next week what they think the best course of treatment will be that takes into account Susie and the baby. There was so much information - a lot of it scary, but true. The thought of what lies ahead for us is completely overwhelming.
Dependent - All along, we have known our need to be dependent on God. Being dependent on Him is a good thing. Just like it's good for Sy, Talya and Charlie to be dependent on me as their earthly father. Today, I realized in a new way, that we are completely dependent on our heavenly Father. We are dependent on Him for wisdom as to what the next steps are, for strength for the journey that lies ahead and for healing of Susie's brain. Apart from God's help, there is no way we will get through this. We thank Him that He is true, loving and faithful. We thank Him that especially in our moments of weakness, doubt and despair, He loves us with a perfect love. So tonight, we ask him for wisdom, strength and complete healing over Susie's brain.
Love - Throughout the day, I was reminded of how much I absolutely love my wife, my kids and the life the Lord has blessed me with. I love it so much, that I don't want any of it to change. It's a true joy to love Susie and live life together. For those of you who know me, you know that I felt this way even before she had a brain tumor! We always say how blessed we are, and it's true. God has blessed us with so much - each other, our kids, great friends, family and an opportunity to serve people all over the world which we love. As I get ready to lay my head down tonight, even though it's been one of the most grueling days I've endured in a while, I am reminded of love. God loves me and Susie. I love Susie. I love our kids (even the one who keeps waking up and screaming at 11:35 p.m.). I love our life. Thank you Lord for loving us and blessing us with the privilege of knowing you and experiencing love on a daily basis.
That's enough for tonight. Thanks for praying for us, caring for us and helping us. We truly appreciate it. Today was a tough day. We thank God for granting us the strength to make it through and the hope for His mercies for tomorrow.