Saturday, February 4, 2012

It's Me :)

Being pregnant and having a brain tumor makes you kind of famous. I've gotten quite a bit of attention lately, which has been at times funny, embarrassing, heartwarming, and always humbling that so many people are praying for us. I mean - SO MANY people - all around the world.

We just got back from a few days getaway at Great Wolf Lodge in Mason, OH. It was so super fun and a much-needed break from doctors. Charlie kept saying, "no hospital?" which is pretty heartbreaking. Whether it's the baby or the tumor, I still find myself fading physically pretty quickly, but nothing picks up your spirits more than seeing the mix of rage and delight on your kids' faces when a bucket of water dumps on their heads.

Through this whole thing, Ben and I have kept laughing. Life is funny, even when it's sad. And we have three funny kids and funny friends and we think we're pretty funny too. And, really, what else is there to do in this situation but laugh at how bizarre this whole experience has been? I'm a real-life Grey's Anatomy episode.

The verse that keeps coming to mind is from Proverbs 31, where in talking about that elusive "ideal" woman (wisdom?), it says "She laughs at the days to come." Most of Proverbs 31.... well, in our AIA world, we might say it "lies outside of my giftedness," (ha!) but what a gift God has given me - the ability to laugh. Obviously, I'm not laughing because I don't think this is serious or because I'm arrogant enough to think that the future can't hold bad news. But, there is a lot to laugh about. And, ultimately, a craniotomy can't take from me what is most important.

That being said, the last couple of days, I've been a bit of an emotional wreck. I am scared - mostly of what I'll be like after surgery. I've had my favorite songs on repeat, and if you want to know which ones are really keeping me going, listen to "All Must Be Well" by Matthew Smith and "Thy Mercy My God" by Sandra McCracken.  (I think... I could be wrong - I DO have a brain tumor, let's not forget!)

Well, I just wanted to say hi. Every message has meant so much to me, and I wish I was writing everyone back personally, but I'm assuming you understand :) What beautiful friends and family and friends of friends I have!



  1. You've got to be the strongest person I've ever known! Constantly in our thoughts and prayers and thru all this may God be glorified!

  2. Susie, you and your faith amaze me. And I agree about laughter, there are many times in my crazy life that all I can do is laugh at the bizarre things that happen. Cause the only alternative is crying, and puffy eyes, stuffy nose and a sinus headache aren't my idea of fun. ;)

  3. Susie, If you have time or interest, listen to Aaron Shust's My Hope is in You song off his most recent CD. In fact the entire CD is amazing. He has gone through incredibly difficult times in the last few years and his music reflects the Hope we have in Christ alone. Continued prayers for you, Ben and your beautiful children. We love you!

  4. Praying for you Susie. I loved reading this, and I love seeing God's glory already in the midst of this...can't wait to see more glory! I'm going to call you Glory Girl. <3

  5. Aww.... Susie! Thanks for being real. I love that you can laugh and smile through the fear. I love that you can admit you are scared. I love that you cling to God. I love that you are funny. I love that you have funny kids (like you) even if our kids don't get to laugh with them (soon... soon). When I hear your words (on Facebook and here) I think of Ginny Owen's song If You Want Me Too when she says, The pathway is broken And the signs are unclear And I don't know the reason why You brought me here But just because You love me the way that You do I'm gonna walk through the valley If You want me to." I'm thankful for you sweet friend! Can't wait to be back around you guys!

  6. Hi Susie!

    I love it that you are enjoying the laughter! That's actually my favorite thing to do. :-) I know that God holds you closely to his heart as you walk through this season of your life. He will use you as an incredible testimony and inspirations for others. I pray that your faith and trust in HIM will never fade but be made all the more true and solid. Love you my sister!

    Hope to see you soon!

    Kim Anthony

  7. Joy in the midst of it all. God 's peace to you and family as you check in to hospital today. Wisdom for drs and medical staff. You are in our prayers!
    Jim & Laurie G

  8. Dear Ben and Susie,
    May God be your strength and song. I long to hear how you are. How the surgery goes and how we can pray better. With my own small walk with cancer, Jer 29:11 has been such an encouragement. For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you.. May God give you the peace that passes all understanding. You are loved deeply by many many but mostly by our God and He will never let you go. He will never leave or forsake you With all my heart and prayers.
    Annie Tidenberg

  9. Thinking of you and praying for you Susie!

  10. you're actually in surgery right now, which is why i'm reading this. i literaly can't get you off my mind. i've been praying for you constantly, and after reading this i keep thinking oooooohhhhh susie ;) you're adorable and i love you.

  11. Susie, seeing your last comment about being allowed to mix-up the songs because you have a brain tumor...this reminds me of a shirt my great aunt has. It would be funny for you, but I don't see you wanting to be contentious with people. Anyway, it says, "I had brain surgery - what's YOUR excuse?!"

  12. Susie
    You have captured us and amazed us with your perspective on life. We are praying for you guys.

    Mike, Christine, Elijah and Noah Trevino
    Niles, Illinois