So, it's been a while since I've checked in. And, in that while, I had a little surprise hospital stay, Thanksgiving happened, and various other issues have creeped up in life.
It pretty much wiped me out, but it also was so refreshing to see my family all together again. Even if I did go to bed around 9:00 nightly, which seemed like a lot later than the 7:00 I'd been hitting the hay before they got here.
People who know me make fun of me for the amount of things I "don't believe in." (Some random examples include Thanksgiving and reading more than one book by the same author.) Generally, I avoid all trending pop-Christian ideas (I'm looking at you, Jesus Calling). Not because I think they're wrong, but because I am drawn to and like to celebrate the little unique corners of life. And I'm rebellious and defiant.
So, while everyone else was daily logging onto Facebook to list their items of thankfulness through this month, I was Thanksgiving scrooge. Some of that was harmless, but my heart definitely wandered into sinful places.
I would be remiss to skip it completely because I am so incredibly thankful.
I am thankful to be alive. This time last year I was feeling the strange hard-to-describe feelings that turned out to be indications of a brain tumor.
I'm thankful for my husband who has literally emptied himself of everything "him" to be "us." He did that on June 2, 2001, and a million times since then, but over the past year, he's been especially Christ-like in the way he has stepped aside, given up, assumed whatever posture he's needed to to serve me. He's created quite the monstrously needy wife!
I'm thankful for our families. They've all dropped everything to be with us, help us, travel across the country just to remind us that they love us. For being long-distance, we've enjoyed the benefits of their love as if they lived close by. So, PMCA and Dr. & Maggie Carber, I'm thankful for you too. Because you've let them come. Every time. And I've really needed them.
I'm thankful for doctors and technology and smart people. For breakthroughs and research and new ideas.
For AIA and our financial supporters. We can't wait to be back full-time doing what we love. Your grace in the meantime has been precious.
For friends. Friends make you feel normal - remind you that life is still going on, and make you feel like you're part of it. Friends let you be scared and cry or pray prayers filled with curse words. Friends lay in bed with you and feed you milkshakes and wait patiently when your brain can't form coherent sentences.
For art and music and reading and tv. For outlets for my mind into beautiful or imaginative spaces. Seriously, for Parenthood where I can see my moments on a tiny screen.
I'm thankful for the Body. This has been a weird church year for us as we've begun a transition from our home church (which we love and continue to connect with) to a local church (my loyalty to Fairborn knows no bounds). But both places have been what we've needed. And, of course, the Body extends far beyond the walls of either of those buildings. Into churches and houses and places and countries we've never been. I'm thankful for you.
Whew, that was a long one. Sorry about that. When my brain shut down recently, it became challenging to read and write.
I start chemo again in a week, so it might be another long while until I say hi. Until then, here's my question for you: How do you trust God for big, miraculous things while still maintaining a heart and mind submissive to His mysterious will?
You are so brave and your husband a great man of God. Keep it up the walking with Jesus...! in spite that sometimes we got no answers to our human questions. Hugs from Costa Rica.ReplyDelete
Your question about how to trust God for big things while still maintaining a submissive heart & mind? Praise. We don't feel like going through the painful, but we have to say, "Lord, I will praise you because you alone are worthy of praise, and only you know which way is up in my world." Relax and fall into the almighty arms of the Lord and know that you are not alone because all of creation groans with you and rejoices with you.ReplyDelete
Marvin Gaye comes to mind...ReplyDelete
Ain't no mountain high
Ain't no valley low
Ain't no river wide enough...
Will be there.
hey girl! i LOVE you. seriously. love. i think we are so similar, and that makes me feel less...hmmm. there's no real word for it ;) i too feel "christian" rebellious, and refuse to do cheesy ooohhhh i'm soooo thankful posts and gave the copy of jesus calling someone gave me straight to good will :-0 oh my! teehee. i think of you all the time, and usually pray for you in the shower :) hope that's not weird. love you!ReplyDelete